This is such a great story - a teenager coming out as gay with a happy cake to celebrate and inform! "Good Morning Parents..." reads the letter of introduction. How inspiring to be so young and able to have the courage to say (and with humour): Hey Guys, I'm Different and I'm Really OK with it. Can you be too please?
My thoughts go to other young gays who know damn well the response would never be as supportive as this story describes. Sometimes secrecy is survival - but if this part sounds like you, make sure someone knows. Someone you trust and who makes you feel good about simply being you.
Actor Ezra Miller portrays the troubled Kevin as a teenager.
We Need To Talk About Kevin by Lionel Shriver is a story from the mother's point of view about the entire history of her teenage son who, one sunny day, embarks upon a kill-spree at his school. It's a story of a child who fits these descriptions: deviant, psychopathic, evil.
Understandably, the mother in the story (read 'parents in real life') resorts to harsh and punitive discipline.
New Australian research which will be presented in Paris next week at the International Association for Child and Adolescent Psychiatry. It will present the findings of a 3-year study which shows that nurturing, love, empathy and emotional warmth do in fact work.
"A University of Sydney psychologist, David Hawes, will tell the conference that contrary to earlier studies which found that the quality of parenting had no bearing on the behavioural problems of deviant children, parents who maintained a warm and emotionally engaged parenting style could protect their children from developing aggressive and anti-social behaviour."
Obviously, the parents of these kids need a lot of support, understanding, advice and time out. But what a breath of fresh air to know that there is something to do in response to such difficult personalities, that parenting can indeed have a positive bearing, when previously the 'wisdom' was that such kids are just born evil and no amount of parenting will change that.
How sweet the one thing that looks like being influential is love. But I'd like to point out something of note:
Why do we need constantly need numbers and science state the bleeding obvious? (This is one of my favourite moans regarding psychology, I'll try not to be too boring in my repititions).
The science means it will be made credible and therefore respected, which in turns gives a higher possibility of being acted on.... So I promise not to complain about that part.
"myCompass is an interactive self-help service that aims to promote resilience and wellbeing for all Australians. myCompass is a guide to good mental health – it points you in the right direction. You can track your moods, write about them and view information and tips. You can also choose to do one of the modules designed to help you manage mild to moderate stress, anxiety and depression."
Find it here.
A great tool provided by Black Dog Institute. I'm always on the look out for non-drug approaches to dealing with the black dog, the fearful monkey and the good old freak we know as stress. You can download this onto your phone and track confidence, depression levels, alcohol usage and more. Generally, to keep in touch with yourself. I'm impressed.
A recent motivation was given to me on viewing the 7.30 Report the other night. The show ran a story on the (anecdotal) evidence that exists to suggest taking Effexor, an anti-depressant, has been linked to the onset or continuing of gambling addiction. One spokesperson has come out to help and alert others that after he started taking Effexor, he started gambling. Within 3 months he had lost $80,000.
Anti-depressants don't suit everyone.
Via Vintage Black Glamour on Facebook
Maybe you're ahead of your time and don't know it? Fancy that idea.
We so often feel like change and growth should be easy and come with some sort of magic wand. It doesn't.
Personal evolution comes like a well tended garden. Plan it (decide). Design it (set goals). See it with all its colour (visualize what you'll look like when you're being your best self).
And then: Do. The. Work.
Your muscles (brain, heart, soul) will be sore and stiff with the thing. Keep going. You'll become better, fitter, stronger as you go.
Plus you see the garden grow. Mary was onto it. Mary knew something.
Nurture it. Water that garden. For god's sake, get rid of the weeds. Negative thoughts, spinning like a turntable of noise, never stop until you get them out of the garden of your self.
Tend to the garden of you. Yes there will be death (loss, pain). Turn the soil of your life afterward. Fertilize it with new stuff, good stuff. Grow the next garden.
This verse came to me in childhood and resonates with a deeper meaning now:
Mary, Mary, quite contrary,
How does your garden grow?
With silver bells, and cockle shells,
And pretty maids all in a row.
Do the work on your garden. Grow it, love it. The world needs silver belled, cockle-shelled gardens, in all ways.
We are used to giving. As women, it's biologically built into our DNA over thousands of years of evolution. We are good at nurturing, it's an ancient gift and survival technique.
But what about receiving? Hmm. Not so good at that eh?
The ability to receive graciously is hard for us. When someone compliments us, how can we stop ourselves from putting ourselves down in our reply? Well, let's see. You stop your mouth going into autopilot and saying, for instance, 'Oh it's marvelous what make up can cover up!' Instead, say, 'Thank you.' Smile.
Give the person the idea that you appreciate that they've just complimented you.
Give yourself a lovely refreshing breath in and breath out. Enjoy the compliment. Receive the compliment. It's a lot easier on your head, heart and soul that way.
Resisting a compliment is hard work, it requires discomfort and a fight on your behalf. That's valuable energy you're wasting! It also is a bit of a slap in the face to the person who wanted to let you have the good stuff in the first place.
So next time someone says something to you, about you that is flattering, enjoy it. It's good for you, it's good for them. Everyone wins!