Woman and Child First

A Greater Good

Although I haven’t seen good research to substantiate this theory that mothers’ happiness directly influences the happiness of their children, a fairly extensive body of research has established a substantial link between mothers who feel depressed and “negative outcomes” in their children, like acting out and other behavior problems. As you might imagine, when we mothers feel depressed it is not good for our children’s happiness. -Christine Carter, Ph.D.,

Yet another reason to look after yourself. I repeat, to nourish and nuture oneself as a woman, a mother is NOT a luxury, it's an essential.

The above snippet comes from a blog that looks closely at the "Science of Raising Happy Children".

Can't remember how I stumbled on it, but I'm really enjoying reading from it. Over to the sidebar for you, Half Full Blogversations!

Painting by Kim Richardson

Post Natal Depression

Tell me how hard it is for a previously high functioning woman to admit she has postnatal depression.

Here's the answer: Very Very Hard.

It's not eased either by a societal obsession with the image of High Functioning Motherhood. (HFM aka Huge Freaking Myth).

Many of us have it and "soldier" on regardless, pretending that the body we now have isn't that much different, that a continuous lack of sleep is something we just have to deal with (used as a form of torture anywhere else) and that childbirth itself isn't, for some of us anyway, traumatic!

If you have PND it's so very understandable. Here are some tips:

-Don't let it eat you up, because it truly would love to do that.

-Get out and about, even and especially when you don't feel like it.

-Tell someone.

-Get  your exercize happening, alone preferable, with baby in pram otherwise.

- Accept that social and emotional supports are essential at any time, but right now they are life-changing.

- Stop overworking.

- Read, watch, listen to any of your old favourite books,films or music.

-When baby sleeps, so does mummy. Housework waits. That's the rule.

Not a bad little note.

Dirty Creature Again

This one's for Cherry. Frontman is Timmy Finn (Liam's uncle), first crazy dude to appear in background with guitar is Neil Finn (Liam's dad).

From 1982. Split Enz

"Dirty Creature's got me and he gets the knowledge from the inside..."  Ah Depression.

(Can anyone tell me how to centre videos?)

Depressive Realism

There is a theory that's been around for some years in psychology and it's called Depressive Realism. It's a theory which suggests that depressed people have a better grip on reality than non-depressed people. There has been much research on it. Example.

So let's say I assume Theresa Duncan was depressed before committing suicide. This would be a fairly safe assumption I would say, though no-one has talked about this in anything I've read. Then I could also assume, for instance, that she may well have been one of those depressed people who experience Depressive Realism.

And that means, if my assumptions are correct, that there would be quite a few people who at the very least are shifting nervously in their seats, since she quite lucidly describes harrassment on her blog.

So then. Paranoia or realism?

Just thought I'd through an intriguing bit of psychological research into the ring. Something to think of anyway eh?

Pictured is Lauren Alloy, one of the two researchers who discovered the "sadder but wiser" (depressive realism) effect in the late 70's. Her colleague, Lyn Abramson was the other researcher.

She Said She Said

Theresa Duncan liked brevity. In a comment about the documentary film, Grey Gardens, she said:

The people we are aware of who "love" this unfunny film are usually creepy bottom feeding art world female masochists of the girl-photographer ilk.

Tee hee aren't women crazy?

Aww come on. It's funny. Christ I miss her.

From A Greyer Garden - post Dec 18 2006 on Wit of the Staircase.

She Said She Said

Dead Artist, Beautiful and Brilliant, Cops Further Beatings

Perhaps contrary to my last post... I Will Say This:

The articles I've read so far on Theresa Duncan and Jeremy Blake have fallen into a little neat heap of similar analyses. Don't we just love to put things in teensy boxes and cover them with plastic labels? Ah...That feels better.

And the conclusion is: They were paranoid freaks that lost their grip on any sort of reality. (Oh. But they were really interesting). There we have it. Good as Done.

One more thing: Theresa Duncan could be really difficult. Like I mean totally really difficult.

Look I don't know and I never will whether Theresa and Jeremy were being harrassed by the Church of freaking Scientology. But I do know something of the ugliness of human nature. I know something about how easy it is to call them paranoid. NOW. They're both dead so they can't defend themselves.

I have no doubt whatsoever that my beloved Theresa could be difficult. She was an artist and an intellectual, damn you! She's meant to be provocative and challenging.  Did we all expect her to be "nice" and polite and sweet to everyone did we? Oh shucks.

Get a life. She had things to say.

One of the 14 million reasons I loved that woman and her blog was because she had edge and a sharp one. I just adored her for that. I always knew that I were ever to be so honoured and lucky to meet her, that she had the potential to scare the shit out of me. THAT'S A GOOD THING. Her intellectual edge invited me to stand up and meet that challenge. That's called divine opportunity in my language.

The lilly-livered, packaged conclusions that have been drawn about this woman, attempting to do the impossible (explain human complexity in about 9 nine sentences), are falling short of doing anything but making me want to hit someone.

TD pictured in New York. The Present in New York Is So Powerful The Past Is Lost on Wit, 21 November 2006.

The Artist As Mentor

Grief is grief. How many grieved for John Lennon and who still misses him? Scores of people who never met the man.

Artists are vital. They speak for us, they mirror us. They tell stories about our culture - who we are and who we are meant to be.  They tell stories that show how frigging stupid we are.

I'll lay bets that your favourite artist is someone who is saying and doing something that almost exactly speaks something from your own self.

And if they die before us, we have lost something vital. Our spokesperson is no longer here to represent us. What remains for us privately and individually is what was inspired within us and what we will do with it now. This is the key to moving forward.

The beautiful and eternally brilliant Theresa Duncan and Jeremy Blake are pictured.

Medicine of Love Meets the Refusal to Despair.

After a splintered week of everyday obligations and dealing with the complicated grief of losing my favourite blog person, indeed a mentor, Theresa Duncan, I had become exhausted. A significant depression loomed close. I spoke to my boyfriend, Teddy about this. He had one sentence, It was a magic sentence.

That one sentence beckoned a familiar argument, but in the magic of a moment I thought to myself: He's right.

In the second moment, something lifted. A few minutes later, I was laughing.

Anais Nin:

"It's almost like the man who goes to the bottom of the ocean and takes with him some oxygen to equalize the pressure. I'm talking about equalizing the pressure between outer actions and events which are shattering and devastating to us and then the place where we recompose and reconstruct ourselves, where we finally achieve what Jung called the second birth. The second birth we are entirely responsible for; it's a self-creation. This second birth is the one that you can make, and the discovery of that to me was always a great relief..."

From A Woman Speaks (Chapter 2: Refusal to Despair) 1982

Thanks to Kim Richardson for once again painting my mind and further, what it needs to see.  Contrary Shaman pictured.

Teenagers With Anxiety: The Brave Program

The Brave Program is a program for teenagers 13 - 17 years, who are suffering from Separation Anxiety, Specific Phobia, Social Phobia or Generalised Anxiety.

It is part of a joint research project run out of Macquarie University in Sydney and the University of Queensland.

Researchers' have developed internet-based and clinic-based programs. Families are randomly allocated to one of the two.

The program is open across the country and includes teenagers in rural and isolated spots. One-off fee is $100. Sounds like just the thing for some families.

For more details, go to the website.

Different kinds of anxiety:

"Social Anxiety: Feeling really scared of interacting with other people or being the focus of attention. This can really interfere with school when it's time to do oral reports and reading aloud in class!

Generalised Anxiety: Always worrying about something! It may be grades at school, family, friends, if they're good enough in sport or art, their own health or family member's health and so on.

Separation Anxiety: Being worried when they are separated from people they're close to, such as their parents, siblings, or other relatives. Young people might avoid sleep overs', school camps and get upset when their parents go out for the night.

Specific phobias: Being fearful of certain objects or places such as heights, spiders, the dark etc."

(From The BRAVE PROGRAM: Information for Guidance Officers, Teachers, Parents and Young People).

Pictured is Marla Campbell's Depp, who played Edward Scissorhands, the perpertually worried teenager in Tim Burton's brilliant 80's film of the same name.

Back To School

Young 'uns with sore backs, tummy bugs, ear infections, cranky and bored. Seen 'em all this week: clients, my kids, my friends' kids.

Oh yes. AND it's the week before school goes back... hmmm.

Bear with those kidlets, the anxiety levels run high. When you think back to starting a new year when you were little or at least smaller than you are now, you can remember how overwhelming it all can seem.

What to do?

*  Everyone wants to fight with each other at the moment  - and who wouldn't in this heat? KEEP CALM.  REMEMBER:  MUMMY NEEDS TO STAY CALM. 

Whilst wanting to throttle my two, I have instead spoken more quietly, been more flexible. I've been looking after myself in terms of sleep, food and relax-time. It's working.

*  Greet each fear with understanding ("Yep, I used to feel that too ." If you did, otherwise be quiet and listen) and a positive. Any positive.

*  Reassure. For example,  "If your teacher is inherently evil, I will fight for you" Just joking... You know what I mean.

*  Get organized now. School bags, uniforms, lunch stuff - make sure it's ready to go. You don't want a panic attack over a school hat on Tuesday morning at 7.45.

*  Listen. Listen and then listen again. They have real fears, they are small humans. When you sit down and talk with them, listen and talk some more. Ask questions: "Are you ok with...?" Haven't got time to listen? Make time. It will pay off. Guaranteed.

*  Reassure of future reassurance - "If you ever need to talk to me about school, just do it. We'll make a quiet time to sit down and nut out ANY problem you come up against".

*  Give them boosts. "I just know you are going to be ok. Hey. You are a GREAT kid".

*  Be patient and remember they are only kids. Kids get more scared of the unknown than we do.

Good Luck and Happy, Smooth Back to School for you all.

Let's all just hold our breaths' and jump?

Guess How Much I Love You