There was once a boy who came to me who had a temper which landed him in regular trouble. We spoke about it, when he was ready. I remarked that it was admirable that he admitted the problem. He told me he had punched a boy in the face because that boy had called his brother a really bad name.
His father said, it is loyalty.
I said, Yes it is loyalty. I would want to do the same if someone had attacked the character of any of my family.
But...This other boy knows what hurts you the most, what makes you scream with rage. He is winning over you. If you "Act As If" he has no power over you, that you don't care what he says (even though you do), you be the winner. He won't know what to do because you will never take the bait.
The next morning he was in a horrible punch up with another boy. I slipped into the office as he sat alone crying. He said the the other boy had a bad temper too.
"But I am worser" he sobbed. A realization had befallen him, and his honesty took over. These moments with children humble me and everything in those moments becomes a shared experience of light and clarity.
So I patted him on the arm and said, "Now we are going to get somewhere." He looked at me and nodded.