Woman and Child First

Chrissy Amphlett : My Own (Overlooked) Goddess

Christina Amphlett died yesterday in New York and when I heard the news I stared at the TV and waited for an emotional response. None. I just stared, got up and walked outside to wait for some meteors to rain past. (There are actually meteors showering here at the moment, I'm not entirely insane, you know!)

I slept on it.

What that woman did for others in Australian rock was singularly outstanding in it's effect to trail-blaze. At the time, in the 1980's and onwards,  I was a feminist, a rock music lover and fierce in my knowledge that Australia contained rich creative resources that most of the world, including Australia itself, never took seriously.

You'd think I'd be impressed by Chrissy Amphlett and her band. But me and my youth: Sheesh. I liked nearly all their songs and they were successful. I didn't disregard them. No it's  more embarrassing than that:  I took them for granted. I had developed a somewhat naive philosophy that since they were part of the machine of commercial music, there was no need for my attention. (You're allowed to call me a music snob).

It was only a couple of years ago that I suddenly realized what that woman was worth. Gold, pure freaking gold. (Hindsight: It's fabulous stuff). I looked back on the years that the Divinyls were big and I could see so clearly what had transpired. A scary, gutsy, unashamedly sexy girl rock star  in 1980's Australia, who was never the vulnerable type, was recognised and actually celebrated.

We, the local culture that is, weren't exactly nice to women as a general rule, nor were we nice to people who were different and successful at the same time. And yet, she had pulled it off.

Here had been a goddess in my own backyard and I pretty much had my head so far up my own arse I couldn't see her. 

Better late than never, eh?  I can acknowledge now ('cos I'm all growed up) that Christina Amphlett was and always will be a standout, stand alone Australian woman. A girl who will continue to be exceptional for showing by example how a strong, talented, fierce soul can be successful even in a harsh, often unforgiving climate.

As Lindy Morrison, of the GoBetweens has said, "No one will ever approximate Christina Amphlett as an artist or person.''

Rest in Peace, Christina and thank you for the kick up the bum.

Photo source

  

 

 

Silver Linings on the Dark Stuff

Anyone interested in seeing a film that handles bipolar and depression with realism, sensitivity and intelligence will want to see Silver Linings Playbook. I loved this film. The sincerity and delicate humour behind it made me want to stand up and clap at the end.  (I didn't because I feared being sent to Baltimore).

For me, it's remininiscent of A Brilliant Mind, a story of a schizophrenic genius, played by Russell Crowe.

It's sincerity is relieving and inspiring.

When You Want to be Anonymous

Here are some great (Australian) links for young people who are struggling and need support and who want complete privacy.

Kids Helpline (web and email counselling)

eheadspace (email options as well as phone)

Lifeline Crisis Chat (8pm - Midnight 7 days p/w)

Be strong, 

Alison

The Everpresent John Laws on Child Sexual Assault

John Laws needs to retire. The background to this story can be neatly summarized by the Herald Sun's article here.  My viewpoint?

I am a psychologist who works with adult survivors of child sexual abuse. Comments such as those made by John Laws last week on 2SM are infinitely harmful to the healing process. These sensationalist reactions only confirm the inaccurate cognitions made by the child as s/he grows up. "It's all my fault" is the most common faulty belief that needs to be overcome. [NB.This can take years.] Apart from being cruel and insensitive, this form of (further) abuse is entirely frustrating to my work and to all the others in my profession who are trying to help people move on.

I've just submitted this to GetUp! in support of their campaign demanding an apology from John Laws himself, and then a committment from radio 2SM to educating their presenters in dealing with the subject of child sexual abuse.

Happy Woolloomooloo life, John.

Photo from Herald Sun

 

Teenage Depression

My work by it's very nature involves receiving secrets.  It's sacred information from the hidden spaces within my clients. The teenagers I see are beautiful, young and free. But those qualities are the last things that they themselves see if they are battling depression and anxiety. As they slowly approach me, with their intelligent caution they begin to share secrets. At times, I find  some of those secrets heartbreaking.  They speak of self hatred and isolation. Behind the shy smiles, there are beliefs of being ugly, dumb. There's something wrong with me.

Such is the truly monstrous nature of depression and anxiety. The turnaround is what we work towards. Sometimes it involves medication. But no amount of pharmaceutical support will ever be as good as the power of genuine self regard that is continuously nurtured. Refusal to believe any of these Black Dog* thoughts, a stubbornness, a determination not to be defined by this condition...These are the things to be inspired.

The great blessing for the young is that they are young. With their whole lives ahead of them, they can learn to take this Black Dog, tame it and keep it in it's rightful kennel. It can actually be a stunning opportunity - the meeting of depression and/or anxiety can be the whole reason for the growing of strength and true self esteem that can be taken into adulthood. 

I am always greatly moved and honoured when I am allowed into these secret places, these shadowy spaces. Once that door is opened I can sit down with my teenage pal and we can nut out the best ways of being kind and compassionate to the self first. Then we get to work out how  he or she can start to have some fun again and to grow who they are, in all their rebellious and wonderful youth.

*Winston Churchill's Black Dog was the name he gave his depressive periods.

Anais Nin: A Woman Speaks

I was a very young woman when I discovered the writer Anais Nin. She spoke in a language that enthralled and inspired me. Her fiction reads like poetry. Her lectures formed a body of work that described womanhood, feminism, world peace, psychology and art. All from the sweet and intelligent mind of the beautiful Anais.

She influenced much of my thinking into my 20's and remains an endeared hero today. Can you possibly imagine my delight in finding that Dangerous Minds have just today posted a video in which she (wait for it) speaks? I've only ever read her in these 30 odd years.

Is it true? Am I dreaming? Ah, Delight appears at my doorway.

Watch Anais Nin and her Feminist Heroes (And LSD) here.

Photo from These Little Words.

Books. They're Good.

I wonder why I chose to write a novel.

Counting now around 50,000  words, I find myself mumbling, as I clack away on the laptop, 'Nobody likes this. Nobody will ever like this.'

That no-one has read it yet remains irrelevant. The whole exercise makes me want to grind my teeth and hit a table with something. One of the cats perhaps? Yegads. It would  have to be stiff and therefore dead, so I don't go any further with that thought. 

But then I watch and listen to Neil Gaiman, and I smile (it's a happy, though stupid smile). I smile with hopefulness. As Inky at Inside A Dog notes:  This is the best idea EVER.  

It is!

Have a look and breathe it in.

Literature for YA (Young Adults) and kidlets is so much fun. Even if more than half of it takes place in your own dear deluded head, the whole idea is that you will indeed connect with other same-head types. Or at least talk with types who like a good story.

Ok then. I will soldier forth towards the thing I'm soldiering towards. Yes.

Vive le Neil Gaiman!

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Friday's Woman: Rita Levi-Montalcini

“Above all, don’t fear difficult moments. The best comes from them."

Italian neurologist, Rita Levi-Montalcini, died last December age 103. 

"At 20, I realized that I could not possibly adjust to a feminine role as conceived by my father and asked him permission to engage in a professional career," Levi-Montalcini wrote in her biography.

She went onto study Medicine and then went into research and won a Nobel prize for her work with Stanley Cohen in 1986. She was active, smart and lovely right up until her death.

"I can say my mental capacity is greater today than when I was 20, since it has been enriched by so many experiences," she said at age 103.

 

 

 

Raising Girls

"People hear commonsense and they remember that's actually what they think deep down." - Steve Biddulph on his new book "Raising Girls". I think that's great base from which to write a book for parents. Steve Biddulph  is an Australian psychologist already known for his popular parenting books including Raising Boys. 

Also in this (Australian Women's Weekly Jan 2013) article he says that we're in trouble - "A catastrophe is happening... We are not loving our children enough... " and that "TV is teaching our girls that being "hot" is the most important thing about being female. Sexuality has been thrust upon girls prematurely so they feel they have to project it before they even know what it is." 

Over the last decade, I started to mourn  and wonder what feminism had even accomplished for a while there. All that work and we have 10 yr olds girls aspiring to look like Hollywood on two legs and feeling bereft and a failure if they "don't shape up".

'What's the point?' I started to think.

The point is exactly what Steve is talking about. Inaction isn't an option. "There is such a thing as weak parents who cop out." Steve feels like telling them, 'Don't be such a wuss. Decide what you're going to have in your house.'  This is excellent and inspiring stuff. All from a guy who grew up having Asperger's. 

Have a look at some more books on parenting girls at Kidspot.

Oz: The Great and Powerful

Lovers of magic, witches, wizards and  (goofy voice) really pretty moving pictures, take note! This looks to be a little gem and it's released next month.I was sold from the moment I heard,"You don't know much about witches do you?" But even moreso after a couple of crows chant "You'll die! You'll die!"

 

via Inside a Dog

Leunig to the Rescue

In response to your question 'What is worth doing and what is worth having?' I would like to say simply this. It is worth doing nothing and having a rest.

- Michael Leunig: The Curly Pyjama Letters (2001)

 

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Good Morning Meditation

Turn on the video below, it's lovely. For the three and a half minutes it takes to watch, just stop. Breathe gently and slowly. Dont think, don't plan, just breathe and watch. 2 things, that's all. Breathe and watch.

Tip: Turn off your phone/s and let the loved one's know they can either join you or leave!

Full Moon Silhouettes from Mark Gee on Vimeo.

I love the music: Tenderness by Dan Phillipson

Teenage guts with icing

This is such a great story - a teenager coming out as gay with a happy cake to celebrate and inform! "Good Morning Parents..." reads the letter of introduction. How inspiring to be so young and able to have the courage to say (and with humour): Hey Guys, I'm Different and I'm Really OK with it. Can you be too please?

My thoughts go to other young gays who know damn well the response would never be as supportive as this story describes. Sometimes secrecy is survival - but if this part sounds like you, make sure someone knows. Someone you trust and who makes you feel good about simply being you.

 

Trauma and it's healing

 

EMDR ( Eye Movement Desensitisation Reprocessing) is now recognized by WHO (World Health Organisation) and recommended as a treatment for trauma and PTSD.

This follows previous endorsements of American Psychiatric Association and Australian Centre for Post Traumatic Health. More bodies of influence are seeing what practitioners of this therapy have seen in their consult rooms over and again - the actual healing of trauma.

I have been practicing EMDR for around a decade and I have seen miracles with this beautiful therapy. While it's certainly not for everyone, this therapy has provided me as a therapist with more success stories than any other therapy I've used in all my years of practice.

In short, when it works it really works. A person's suffering can be not just alleviated but cleared altogether regarding specific trauma's. This can have a lovely ripple effect into the person's life generally too.

In the above video, the developer of this treatment, Francine Shapiro, speaks and EMDR is explained. You can see it's been quite controversial! That's why it's also one of the most highly researched areas of psychology - they've had to do the homework on it to have it recognized.

Due to the robust nature of EMDR and what I can provide my clients, I really do love this therapy. 

 

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EMDR for PTSD

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Evil Child Syndrome And It's Relationship to Love

Actor Ezra Miller portrays the troubled Kevin as a teenager.

We Need To Talk About Kevin by Lionel Shriver is a story from the mother's point of view about the entire history of her teenage son who, one sunny day, embarks  upon a kill-spree at his school. It's a story of a child who fits these descriptions: deviant, psychopathic, evil.

Understandably, the mother in the story (read 'parents in real life') resorts to harsh and punitive discipline.

New Australian research which will be presented in Paris next week at the International Association for Child and Adolescent Psychiatry. It will present the findings of a 3-year study which shows  that nurturing, love, empathy and emotional warmth do in fact work.

"A University of Sydney psychologist, David Hawes, will tell the conference that contrary to earlier studies which found that the quality of parenting had no bearing on the behavioural problems of deviant children, parents who maintained a warm and emotionally engaged parenting style could protect their children from developing aggressive and anti-social behaviour."

Via Essential Kids

Obviously, the parents of these kids need a lot of support, understanding, advice and time out. But what a breath of fresh air to know that there is something to do in response to such difficult personalities, that parenting can indeed have a positive bearing, when previously the 'wisdom' was that such kids are just born evil and no amount of parenting will change that.

How sweet the one thing that looks like being influential is love. But I'd like to point out something of note:

    Why do we need constantly need numbers and science state the bleeding obvious? (This is one of my favourite moans regarding psychology, I'll try not to be too boring in my repititions).

The science means it will be made credible and therefore respected, which in turns gives a higher possibility of being acted on.... So I promise not to complain about that part.